work it out {{nix

[sterling]

Sterling hardly knew what to do with himself, he felt like he had been alone forever. Nix had just up and left, and he didn't know why. She was pregnant with his baby, he wanted to give any and all support he could offer, but she had left. Did it mean that they were over? Sterling didn't even want to think about it that way, he hadn't ever felt the same way for anyone else that he had for Nix. He loved her, and he didn't want her to leave his life, let alone with a child that was half his. If she didn't want him anymore, so be it, but Sterling didn't want to be absent from his own child's life.

He paced the streets of Hogsmeade to the Forest resident, where he had known her to be last, empty-handed. Sterling wasn't here to beg, even if that was what he felt like doing. They might be young, but they were adults, they could talk and reason it out like functional members of society should. Sterling did want her back, desperately, but he didn't see the need to go crawling to her when he hadn't specifically done anything wrong. And if he had, she certainly hadn't told him what it was. She had just left.

Sterling paused before the door of the Forest home, only now realizing he had not come up with any sort of a plan of what he was going to do or say. He just hoped that it wouldn't be Tain who answered the door, Sterling still didn't really like him much... But plan or no plan, there wasn't any turning back now. He sucked in a deep breath before knocking on the door.

[nixnight]

*I am so sorry. College, work, life....I'll do my best to be back and fill in some mental gaps*

Nix felt awful. She could barely get around anymore again and James was getting to annoy her, not that it really was him but her system seemed her not to be with anyone. She was worried about her family and she hadn't seen any of them but Tain since the attack on the school, she knew he had meant well but he'd kept her home almost forcefully. It was like he was acting now how he wished he had acted when James was due.

She whimpered softly to herself at this idea and rolled over on her bed, her baby was due in may and she hasn't talked to sterling in weeks. It was the same as her and Tain all over again though this time she was the one running, she wasn't even in her 20's and she had a second child on the way though and that was what scared her. She really was scared now, worried about her family and her own children along with her job and only way of supporting them now in the balance.

A knock at the door pulled her from her thoughts and she lifted a hand to her eye to whip away a small tear, she seemed to always be crying a little now. She missed him and yet didn't want to go to him. She sighed softly and stood up when no-one answered the door and then walked slowly and heavily down the stairs with a hand on her ever growing stomach, she pulled the door open and stepped behind it to allow the person in and yet avoid the cold blast only to feel a shiver shot down her as her baby's father stood before her. "why are you here?" she said in a shocked whisper as she stepped back a little

[sterling]

Sterling thankfully didn't have to wait very long for the door to be opened, and he was very relieved that it was not Tain to answer, but rather, his girlfriend. Or if he could even call her that anymore, he hadn't seen her since before Christmas. Hadn't heard a word from her. Frankly, Sterling had gotten tired of waiting, tired of not having any answers. If she didn't want him anymore, while it would hurt him deeply, he needed to know outright, rather than just make assumptions. That was his Ravenclaw nature, he needed to have the hard facts, not just guesses.

Sterling had opened his mouth to speak, though Nix had beat him to it, asking what he was doing there. Wasn't it obvious? They obviously had something that they needed to work out. He blinked, thinking a moment on how best to phrase his reply. Gosh, she had changed so much since he had seen her last. She still had the same long, wild, vividly red tresses- but the evidence of the unborn child, his child, was undeniable. Sterling had missed her so much... He ran a hand through his hair, an absent habit that became more frequent when he was nervous.

"Might I ask you the same thing?" said Sterling. Really, though, all he wanted to know was what he had done wrong. He hadn't run off like Tain had, he was willing to give all the support that he could. Hell, he'd be willing to take even fewer hours at work, and he'd stay home with the baby so Nix could go back to work...

[nixnight]

Nix felt her heart freeze in her chest as she looked at sterling, she felt so guilty and yet happy at the same time which only made her feel like more of a bad person. She felt so happy that he had come to see her to try and work out the mess they were in and yet she felt guilty that he had been forced to come here by her actions, she honestly just wanted to hug him and say she had been scared but her pride held her back as he spoke. "I'm with my family, at first it was for comfort for myself but now it's for all of us. We need each other now, after the losses and things we saw in the battle" she said.

A stinging pain shot through her heart as she spoke about the battle, while she loved her older brother she hated him for keeping her in the house while she heard screams and explosions from the battle. She has nightmares about it even now knowing her little brothers had been there and what would have happened if they needed help and she'd been kept at home. She shook her head and stepped away from the door and then moved a hand on to her ever growing stomach as she walked towards the shop counter, due to her state and Tain trying to comfort his siblings and the stress it caused him now, she was running the shop most of the time. While it felt good to be working and not be useless, she hated all this time inside with no wolf changes or qudditch. "come on in, it'll get cold otherwise and out company doesn't like it when we get cold" she said softly as her hand moved over her stomach absentmindedly.

[sterling]

It was taking a great deal of self restrain for Sterling to maintain a neutral posture, expression, and tone of voice. It had been difficult without Nix, waking up alone every day, coming home to an empty house after work every day... And what with the way things were lately, nobody ought to be alone like that all the time. Sterling wasn't really concerned much for his safety, more like Nix's. He was convinced that unless she was with him she was in the midst of a battlefield. Of course, knowing how independent she was, Sterling had never expressed this. He swallowed forcefully, only nodding at her words. If that were the case, couldn't she have at least told him?

Though his inner Ravenclaw didn't allow him to be rash. Rather, Sterling left his response only at the nod, he didn't want anything to escalate. An awkward silence threatened to settle over them, though thankfully Nix spoke before it could smother the conversation entirely, and invited him inside. Sterling nodded again, stepping over the threshold, closing the door behind himself before following the redhead to the shop. "How are you? Is everything all right?" asked Sterling, running a hand through his hair again, gaze flickering to Nix's rounded stomach before meeting her eyes once more.

[nixnight]

Nix moved over to the area Tain had set up for baby amusement when James had first come to visit, there was now a large comfy chair to sit in and various toys littered around it's legs. Nix moved to sit in the chair and then lowered herself slowly and looked over at sterling, she could see the worry flickering over his face as he thought and she couldn't help but smile a little. She has been so busy worrying about the welfare of her family that no-one had worried about her in ages, they knew when the baby was due and they all wanted to be there but they were so absorbed in their own lives that nix didn't want to force her way in. She blinked at sterlings question and sighed softly, "martin hasn't been the same since the battle, he lost someone close to him in front of
His eyes" she said not wanting to say anymore for her brothers privacy sake. "grace is quieter than normal and she's avoiding contact almost with us, James stays at school all the time and I never see him anymore and Maya sends me weekly letters about the others and how worried she is. Tain can barely keep it together, he's so worried about them all and he's worried about James too now" she said in a small voice. Things seemed to be going from bad to worse at the moment, while the battle had come and gone already it's wounds and scars were cutting deeply in to those around her she loved and it Hurt and worried her so much

[sterling]

Sterling followed Nix back to a single chair, toys with a small child in mind littered about the floor in that area. Lacking anywhere else to sit, he plopped himself down on the ottoman to the chair, leaning forward slightly so he could prop his forearms on his knees, looking up slightly at Nix. He waited a moment for her response, not surprised when the redhead launched into how everyone else in her family was doing, completely missing the mark of his question and not mentioning a thing about herself or the baby. Sterling bit his lip lightly, he wanted to reach out and take her hand, hold her the way he used to, but he refrained. That would have to wait until whatever it was between them had been sorted out.

He really had genuinely missed her, it had hurt him deeply when she up and left without a word as to why, or what he had done. Sterling still wasn't really sure if he had done anything- other than getting her pregnant. Though the mention of the battle made him quite somber indeed, it had been a terrible tragedy, he wasn't sure how the community would recover. He could only be thankful that he was the youngest of his siblings, none of his sisters had been hurt. He sighed lightly. "I asked about you," said Sterling, "how are you holding up?"

[nixnight]

Nix watched sterling as she finished speaking and she saw his next words coming before he asked and smiled a little despite herself, "we're fine" she said simply running her hand over her swollen stomach again. "hormones have made the battle results all the worse, its a small baby that James was but it likes the same odd food, this one likes pickled food" she said with a weak sigh as she remember the kitchen now stocked with endless amounts of pickled onions and beetroot.

"what about you? You can't let me do all the talking" she said with a little look up, she wanted to avoid the topic of the baby because she had it all set in her mind. She knew sterling would most likely agree with her about it all but she wanted her mind daughter to be born the way she saw her, she had always wanted a daughter and while she wasn't sure in a doctors way, she was certain as a mother.

[sterling]

Sterling returned to lightly biting his lip, he had never thought that an interaction between him and Nix would ever be awkward, but he certainly didn't feel as comfortable as he usually did. They were avoiding what they really needed to talk about. At least physically Nix and their unborn child was fine, a weight definitely having been taken off his shoulders with that. The redhead then proceeded to turn around and ask the same thing of him, and truthfully, Sterling didn't know how to answer. Yes, he was fine, but it had been hell, waking up alone since Christmas, not having her or James there when he came home from work.

It was far too quiet, being alone in his thoughts at the times of the day when he felt nobody should have to be on their own. Having grown up in a large family, Sterling hadn't known what it was like, he just knew that he didn't like it much. "I'm all right," said Sterling. He paused a moment, wondering how best to approach the not-so-small issue between them, he wasn't exactly sure what to say. "What happened to us?" Sterling finally asked.

[nixnight]

Nix watched sterlings face with concern as he thought and she fought back a sigh of disbelief as he answered her question but she had expected it, men were not well known for their ability to open up and while sterling was an excellent person, sometimes he tripped there. She blinked at his question and then leaned back deeper into her chair and sighed softly, more of a deep breath than a sigh. "I don't know" she said in barely a whisper as she looked down to her hands to avoid looking Into his eyes, she had been scared about a second child before even being 20 and the chance of losing her job and her new home and all the things she had grown used to. So she came to Tain for family comfort and he had reminded her that she still had a home with her family if she felt like she needed them and she had wanted to be around them, be around the fights and silly sibling jokes and everything. But she knew deeper down that it was a way of avoiding going home, she just didn't know why she didn't want To go home. She missed sterling deeply and she knew James missed him, she missed her first home but something in her just didn't want to go back to it and she didn't know why

[sterling]

Sterling watched Nix carefully, he could see the conflict in her eyes, though he was having a hard time sympathizing with it. She had, in his mind, brought it on herself. He didn't remember fighting, quite the opposite, he had offered whatever his girlfriend needed, but she had just left, cut off all contact. And although he wasn't looking to bring it up just yet, she had hurt him deeply. Sterling had needed to cope with the announcement of this new evil on his own, been alone for Christmas and New Year's. All while knowing she was carrying his child, yet didn't act as if she didn't want a thing to do with him.

What they had, had been great, why would she want to give that up? Did she not love him? His logical nature wasn't permitting him to stop searching for a reason. There had to be a "why" to everything, including things that might not have a solid definition. Sterling sighed lightly, dragging a hand through his hair yet again. "I suppose what I want to ask is," said Sterling, "do you want to make this work? Do you still want to be with me?" His throat constricted slightly, he was almost afraid of the answer, but it was something they needed to confront.

[nixnight]

Nix found her eyes glued to her hands and she felt them start to water as she thought more and more, she heard sterling speak and winced a little at his words but she could form any of her own. In one definite way her answer was yes and she wanted to tell him how much she had missed him but she also wanted to say no and wipe away the tears and figure out her issues before she told him how she felt. "I don't know" she said in a whisper before the first tear slipped down her face and dripped on to her dark clothes between her fingers. She was certain this doubt was her hormones playing on something small that she would normally ignore but she knew that if that was the case, then there was something there that meant she didn't want to and she wanted it worked out. It wasn't sterling and it wasn't the baby or their house, but something about the three together made her unhappy.

And then the thought hit her and her tears broke free and ran down her face, burning her cheeks. She knew that having two children would mean she couldn't work, the time she had to spend with them meant no more time to fly or go hunting or change to wolf. Even if she was given options she knew she wouldn't do it to her children, she knew she had to be there when they needed her and because that was the way she was, she was scared. A small sob escaped her and she lifted her hands to her gave and turned away and faced into the side of the chair, she'd known it since she had known about the baby but she wouldn't admit it to herself. She couldn't kill her own baby but by not doing it she had lost her independence again.

[sterling]

Sterling swallowed at Nix's answer, how could she not know? It was a "yes" or "no" question, or at least it seemed that way to him. It sounded to him that this wasn't what she wanted, she was simply too kind to say so. But Sterling knew that was foolish, Nix wasn't like that. Then again, he hadn't thought that she'd simply up and leave without another word to him. He dragged a hand down his face before straightening up, fighting the urge to get to his feet. He needed to stay calm. He could talk and reason things like the adult that he was, there was no need for him to get angry.

Though he couldn't help but feel a tinge of it- really, he felt that Nix was being quite childish, having run from her problems instead of sorting them out. But this wasn't something she could run from for much longer. "Then do you at least know what the problem is?" said Sterling, keeping his annoyance out of his tone, "you up and left without a word to me, I'm in the dark. You can't expect me to fix anything if I don't know what the issue is." He could see she was crying, though he was having a hard time finding it in himself to be sympathetic.

[nixnight]

Nix lifted a hand to her eyes and brushed away the tears that refused to stop falling down her face and she felt her heart pang in pain at sterlings words, she knew she had hurt him and she felt bad for it. She sighed softly and then, still with her eyes glued downwards, she tried to explain. "having two children will mean i cant work, the time ill have to spend with them will mean i get no more time to fly or go hunting or change to wolf. Even if i was given options i know i just wouldn't do it to my children, i have to be there when they need me like my family never was" she said in a breaking voice before she turned in her chair. She brought her legs up as high as was possible and pressed her face into the side of the chair beside her, her mind sprang back to the time Jark had sat in this chair and told her fairy stories from the wizarding world the first time and she sighed softly. At least she had stories to tell her children while she raised them, and she could work more on her motherly cooking as well seeing as there wouldnt be anything else she could do

[sterling]

Sterling blinked, almost incredulous. That was what the whole problem was? Why couldn't she have just said so to begin with- rather than put him through months of solitude, of not knowing what was happening, what had happened to them... He ran a hand through his hair, biting his lip, debating on how best to respond. "You think you'd be alone?" said Sterling, "Don't you know that we would be in it together? You'll still have time for those things, sure, we'll both sacrifice, but we can make it work. Or do you not even want to try?" There it was, the real root of the problem. They seemed to be getting somewhere now, and really, that was why Sterling had come here in the first place.